The news that I was cleared to donate by Cornell came through last Thursday morning.  It’s all systems go for my donation two weeks from today!  Arrangements for my first Neupogen shot in a controlled environment five days before the donation (on May 5), the subsequent home health care for the remaining shots,  and travel plans are underway.

When I went for an acupuncture session on my birthday last month, it dawned on me that it might be interesting to get my acupuncturist’s take on the donation.  He showed a mix of surprise, hesitation, curiosity, and regard before stating that in Chinese medicine it doesn’t get deeper than the bone marrow.  Based on that input, it seemed appropriate to schedule a few sessions before the process and a few restorative sessions after the process.  Ky very generously offered that Oakland Community Acupuncture would be happy to donate four sessions in support of my donation process.  It took a few minutes for me to graciously concede and as of today those appointments are on the calendar.

From the medical model perspective as provided by the nurse practitioner at Cornell, my platelet count will drop after the donation and should return to normal within 48 hours.  During those 48 hours they recommend no interactive sports or activities such as shaving because platelets are the clotting factor.  From my non-medical model perspective and forays into alternative medicine, if this body is going to fly round trip across the country in less than a week to sit in a chair for five hours so that the extra stem cells/white blood cells produced by the Neupogen can be harvested, why not promote the return to normal with a little life force, or qi, stimulation?

Despite these overtures of advocacy and increased awareness to safeguard my health, the tendency to minimize this donation process lingers like a little yappy dog in my consciousness, yipping things such as, ‘Really, it’s no big deal.  You’re just being overly sensitive, too emotional.  This can be attributed to your superpowers at making something out of nothing.’

This tendency to minimize stems from a niggling belief that I never do enough.  While discussing this twisted dilemma during a meander through a museum the other night with my new friend Ryan, he commented that the belief is rooted in an underlying feeling of inadequacy.

An article in a magazine titled Artful Blogging featured a website titled ‘i am enough‘ initiated by Tracey Clark.  This site is devoted to stories submitted by women who share this malady, and there are enough entries to indicate that this belief is not uncommon.  What does it look like when you start from a foundation of not being enough?  I have my suspicions regarding the origins of this belief in my life, and how and why it has the power to undo me, still.  Beyond that, it is intriguing to consider the static created during the internal decision making process when the choice at hand weighs the benefits for self versus others. What does ‘to thine own self be true’ mean in that arena.  An old friend suggested that the friction generated by the place where these decisions are made is the place where spirituality is practiced.   And another friend that was in touch last week after reading the four entries prior to this one said that it made her think of a quote she’d heard, as follows:  ‘Why are we here?  We are here for each other.’  I like that.

On that note, here’s a great link my stepmother sent me today and an invitation: 100K Cheeks: 6 Degrees Challenge