This afternoon, a representative from the Gift of Life called to check in on me as today marks the one year anniversary of my bone marrow donation to an anonymous recipient.  The recipient is still anonymous, and the outcome unknown.  The transplant center that managed the donation has not yet responded to communications from the Gift of Life regarding my donation.  Today might be different though due to the one year mark, I hope.  All transplant centers have different protocols, she told me.  I requested to know the outcome, either way.  If the news is positive, and the person is interested in connecting, it is exciting to think of that meeting.  What exactly does it mean that we are genetically similar enough to share DNA?  I want to know what that looks like!

The thought that I would be a volunteer with the Zen Hospice Project within one year’s passing is not surprising, it just wasn’t on the radar a year ago at this time.  I am not making a connection between the two.  And at the same time it is curious that my first volunteer shift at ZHP occurred the same week as the one-year anniversary of the donation.

There’s no denying the fact that I am drawn to the portals.  The intimacy that happens with birth and with death brings a permission to be honest in a way that we are not afforded in daily life, generally.  That edge and honesty is appealing, the candor refreshing.  Meaty conversations that get to the heart of the matter are where I like to live.  And to stand with someone in their mystery, in their suffering, to be present with someone as they find the way through the darkness will be a privilege and an education. It will challenge all of the conditioning in me that wants to fix.  To know there is nothing to fix, no place to be, just present in the moment with the suffering, a trustworthy companion.

Choosing to come face-to-face with the dying process will be a weekly invitation to see death as a life-affirming and transformative process, no time to lose.  I was given this inkling when Jody was dying in 2009.  Being part of that journey was a gift and she cleared a path for me in many ways.  The month-long sojourn in India offered the opportunity to take a step back from the dailiness and see the road ahead with a long-view perspective.  If I want to be doing something different 5 to 10 years from now, laying the groundwork needs to start now.  She also held up a mirror for me to see all of the places where I will not fair so well with my own sickness and dying.  Unless I start softening now, finding strength in my vulnerability now, learning to surrender through practice, intention, and awareness, I am going to suck at being a not-well person.

A few years back I took an improv class with Bay Area Theater Sports.  The goal was to loosen up and have more fun with public speaking.  It turned out to be some of the most fun I have had as an adult.  Those classes were the highlight of my week!  The first rule of improv is to always say yes.  Yes keeps the story going and the possibilities are endless.  Seems to be working…